Outside my comfort zone

Our much anticipated holiday to the USA finally arrived and we are now part way through our adventure.  It was always intended to be a pretty simple trip, combining a business conference in San Diego with a holiday.  We are not the tourist type so we just wanted to go to a few places, immerse ourselves in the culture for a few days, explore a little and come home with some great memories.

It is while I am away that I realise how my anxiety can take over my emotions at times.  I do tend to overthink things and try to imagine every possible scenario before it arrives.  This holiday has taken me outside of my comfort zone both from a travel perspective but also from a business perspective.  I live to tell the tale, but I wish I could be more laid back about things, to see what the tide does.

Our first port of call was Sana Monica where we did a bit of tourist trip around LA.  It was fun, and Venice Beach is crazy.  Never smelled so much weed in my life but that is the new normal for California.  It is a mix between those who are really healthy and those who smoke weed, the very rich and the very poor.  I can safely say I will never be able to shop on Rodeo drive.  It was a good few days but both Rod and I were thinking ahead and starting to stress about the next leg of our journey.

There is a certain amount of fear that comes from driving on the wrong side of the road, on the wrong side of the car.  When your first experience of such driving is on an LA freeway the fear is real.  Thankfully my husband Rod handled the situation really well.  We make a great team – he drives, I direct and remind him to stay in his lane.  We kept our yelling to a minimum and we made it from Santa Monica to Ensenada in Mexico, crossing the border and finding our way to our hotel even though the road signs all being in Spanish. 

Despite the warning of Mexico being unsafe, we had a fabulous time south of the border.  With our confidence levels high we took a drive out to the Valle de Guadalupe and visited some wineries.  We mastered the Peso as well as the USD.  Rod got his hair cut by a guy who spoke no English and l quite like his Amigo hair cut.  We made a few new friends, drank too many cheap margaritas and heard enough Mexican music to last a lifetime (well maybe a few years).

Anxiety started to form on our last day in Ensenada knowing that crossing the border back into the USA would be much more difficult than entering Mexico.  We asked people what we should do, had access to border wait time websites and did as much research as we could.  None of this was any benefit when about 15 minutes before we reached the border the migrant caravan of people from Honduras attempted to storm across the border. 

In hindsight we are lucky we were not 15 minutes earlier and caught up in it.  Instead we got to a closed border and had to find an alternate way to cross.  That alternative border crossing is at Otay which is about a 20 minute drive across Tijuana (talk about outside of our comfort zone).  We then sat in the line of traffic for 3 and a half hours waiting for our turn to show our passports and cross that border. 

We then navigated a new set of freeways until we found our hotel at Pacific Beach, San Diego.  Finally we could relax for a couple of days and enjoy the sun.  San Diego is a really nice part of California and somewhere I could easily live.  Even though the weather turned bad for our last day ( and I mean freezing / raining / windy bad) we really enjoyed our time there.  We didn’t get to explore as much as we hoped because I was at a conference for most of the time and the free day saw really bad weather, but we loved it just the same. 

I finally took the opportunity to drive while in San Diego.  It was not that difficult after all.  Outside of my comfort zone, yes, but difficult, no.  All these new experiences, navigating new places, working out what to order from the menu, knowing how much to tip, working out how/where to drop off the hire car, looking and feeling like a tourist,  it is all part of the fun of travelling but it is not great when the anxiety starts to overtake the enjoyment of the moment.  We did it all so easily so I have no idea what I was worrying about.

However, my biggest anxiety has come from being away from work.  I had joked that it is like leaving your child with a baby sitter and going overseas, but the reality is, that is exactly how I feel.

Of course I can phone and stay in contact via the internet.  Now that we are fully cloud based I can even work, but it is not the same as being there. The time zones are different, so I cherished the mornings when everyone was asleep in Australia and I could get some work done.  As the afternoon arrived the anxiety would build as my need to constantly check my emails continued until I went to sleep at night.  I am not sure what my problem is.  The office is still there.  Work is still being done.  I have faith in my business partner and my team, yet I just can’t relax and let go.  Beyond all the other adventures and challenges we have faced this last 2 weeks, being away from work has by far been my biggest challenge mentally.

With every phone call, text message or email from a client my anxiety grows.  How can I handle this from a distance?  Who can I delegate to?  Can my staff resolve the issue or does it need to be me? Am I putting too much pressure on my business partner and my staff?  Am I not giving Rod the attention he deserves (he didn’t come on holidays to watch me work)?

I have one week left and I am going to do my best to put my anxiety on hold and be as fully present to my husband and myself for our week in Hawaii.  I have faith that my team can do the work.   Surely most things can wait and I can prioritise the urgent matters.  Ultimately I need to respect myself enough to believe that I am entitled to a holiday as well.

Aloha from Hawaii.   I will be back in Australia in the blink of an eye and I can catch up on all the issues and work then.  In the meantime you will find me at the beach!!!